By Samuel L. Leiter . . .
Given the cultish popularity of the 1989 high school movie Heathers, about serial killings, and of its 2014 stage musical version, you’d imagine anyone contemplating a new show about a teenage girl would think twice about naming it The Gospel According to Heather, unless, perhaps, they were doing a takeoff. But The Gospel . . . , Off Broadway at Theater 555 (the Pearl Theatre’s former haunt), is no takeoff, and the name Heather seems little more than a metaphor for any troubled American teenage girl. Heather Krebs (Brittany Nicole Williams, Aladdin) is definitely troubled. So is the labored show she’s in, laboriously directed and choreographed by Rachel Klein (unlike her highly original Around the World in 80 Days).
The Gospel According to Heather, with book, music, and lyrics by Paul Gordon—who previously scored decently with Jane Eyre (Tony-nominated), Sense and Sensibility, and Daddy Long Legs—swings and misses in each creative category: its book, for all its faddish allusions to sexual wokeisms, is confused, nonsensical, and unfunny; its music is too often loud and unpleasant; and many of its lyrics are banality exemplified. One mostly shouted number keeps repeating the same phrase endlessly, as in:
I BEEN UP ALL NIGHT / I BEEN UP ALL NIGHT / BUT I’M NEVER BACKING DOWN FROM THIS FIGHT / CAUSE IT’S UP TO ME NOW TO MAKE IT RIGHT / I BEEN UP ALL NIGHT / I BEEN UP ALL NIGHT
Stephen Sondheim it ain’t. And, much as it tries to be provocative about teenage life and language, it comes nowhere near the bite of Heathers: The Musical, known for such stingers as “What? Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”
Heather Krebs is a small-town, 17-year-old girl from Sharonville, Ohio, living with her goofy younger brother, Samuel (Zach Rand), and her widowed mother, Grace (Laura Elder). She’s bored stiff by her town and middle-class, boyfriend-less existence, making her feel like a freak. In fact, even in her grunge-like wardrobe, she’s a cute young lady with an unusual leaning toward writers like Heidegger and Kant, a gift of which she herself seems barely aware. Clearly, though, references to Kierkegaard and Thomas Aquinas aren’t going to be icebreakers with guys like school jock Matthew (Carlos Alcala). Heather, in fact, is so special that her Kant-quoting teacher, Mrs. Parker (Badia Farha), recognizing her genius, recommends that she not finish high school but go directly to college. Why it took so long before anyone noticed is not on Mr. Gordon’s book-writing agenda. Then again, Heather’s is a closed-minded school where books about changing bodies and gender fluidity are banned.
Within this premise we observe Heather being befriended by rebellious popular girl Kaisley (Maya Lagerstam); Heather’s discovery that she’s been carrying around a heavy “burden,” including remarkable healing powers that can even bring the dead back to life; and the presence of a misinformation-driven, middle-aged podcaster named Booker Ralston (Jeremy Kushnier), whose MAGA-like ideas represent the most egregious anti-woke conspiracy theories, sort of like a Tucker Carlson on steroids. Heather’s romantic needs will find compensation in black leather-jacketed, graffiti-spraying rebel Zach (Carson Stewart), while her good Samaritan impulses are satisfied by visits to Agatha (Katey Sagal, yes, that Katey Sagal), a wheelchair-bound old lady at the Senior Center.
These essential ingredients eventually become whipped into a frenzied plot in which the reluctant Heather ascends to Messianic stature; three schoolmates assume the roles of her disciples; her powers are attacked by the ambitious podcaster, hungry for bigger audiences; others in her circle—including a hippie-ish street singer named Ray (Mr. Kushnier again)—turn out to be angels; she’s charged with promulgating a new set of (ridiculous) nine commandments in place of Moses’s ten; and, among other things—including multiple promises of a “reckoning”—an ancient Roman coin found in a fish she was eating, keeps turning up like a bad penny whenever lost or discarded. Finally, there’s lots of claptrap about messages and messengers, which you can make of what you will. Gordon tries to sum it up with disposable bromides about “love.”
As if we needed something else to ponder, there’s the presence of Katey Sagal, the popular TV star from “Married with Children,” “Sons of Anarchy,” and “The Conners,” occupying what seems only a limited time onstage, forcing us to wonder how her presence will ultimately be justified. The big reveal comes perhaps 10 or 15 minutes before the end of the 105-minute show, when she tosses off her old lady guise and steps forth in an unflattering ensemble of armless gold-lamé gown with black leather ankle boots.
The reason for the transformation is as dumbfounding as everything it follows, but, on the plus side, it shows that, when she swings into “Raise Your Hand,” the 69-year-old Sagal has a surprisingly full-throated rocker’s voice and deserves something, anything, better than this folderol to show it off. Her playbill bio says she got her start in 1984 in Paul Gordon’s first musical, so her loyalty in doing this one can only be commended.
Brittany Nicole Williams, like several others in the company, including Maya Lagerstam, has a big voice and eager personality; nonetheless, there’s not much she can do to make Heather either fun or especially interesting. And she often speaks so fast it’s hard to catch everything she says. Enthusiastic as she and her colleagues are, when laden with such leaden material, there’s little they can do to shine.
Christopher and Justin Swader provide a bright, pleasant-looking set suggesting an arc composed of several houses’ sides, allowing for scene-setting units to slide on and off, and for projections (uncredited) to use the upstage wall; Jamie Roderick is responsible for the respectable lighting, and Saawan Tiwari did the costumes, which range from adequate to questionable (I still don’t understand the ugly dark and shiny robes worn by the disciples).
Remember those nine “commandments” I mentioned earlier? They begin with things like: “All you really need is love,” “Feel really good,” and “Don’t resist stuff.” Perhaps a tenth might have been, “Write better shows.”
The Gospel According to Heather. Through July 9 at Theater 555 (555 West 42nd Street). www.theater555.com
Photos: Russ Rowland
